[insert big sigh here]

So recently I was accused of ‘giving myself far too much self worth’ by someone who is going to gain far too much pleasure in realizing this bothered me enough to write about. I’d like to know what people prefer, someone who at least puts on a good front of being self assured and confident or someone that lets their severe doubts and insecurities about themselves be known to everyone? Some days I have the self esteem to realize that I’m actually quite an amazing person who has a lot to contribute wherever I go. Other days I am crippled by doubt in myself and what I am doing with my life because I don’t have grand ideas or a master plan for it all.

I’ve gotten good at acting, pretending that I don’t care what people think. For the most part I actually don’t, I may be curious if I think you have an opinion that differs from how I see myself but I don’t actually give a damn and sometimes even find your interest or judgment of me to be amusing. But I do care immensely about the people that actually matter to me, perhaps not all friends per say, but people whose opinions I take seriously. Seeking approval is what I have done all my life, whether it was being the smartest student to impress teachers or being the best girlfriend. I don’t feel that seeking the approval of others is a bad thing; I’m not looking for a pat on the head but rather a smile or the knowledge of appreciation.

There is a difference between constructive criticism and your constant disparagement of seemingly everything that I happen to talk about. After realizing I was ‘exceedingly headstrong’ apparently you decided to break me of it at all costs. The fundamental difference between us is that you care too much about yourself and I care too much about other people.