So once upon a time, I met a boy on facebook. He found me by searching names and, by chance, we became friends. We messaged endlessly on multiple mediums and after awhile graduated to phone conversations. On one end of the line, the actor, musician, dreamer, and sailor and on the other, the book lover, writer, optimist, and college student from North Carolina. There were songs sung to each other (Moulin Rouge Medley anyone?), texts of lyrics and quotes, the whispered words of dreams and aspirations for the future, and shared stories and secrets across the miles. I have never known a more giving and willing person than him, completely honest with all his feelings and thoughts, sometimes it even shocked me with how in tune he was with how he felt and how he would tell me precisely what was on his mind. It helped me to become more open and I began holding less back. I'm sure you can guess what happened next, with nothing more than voices, words, and online photos, we fell for each other. One of those lovely doomed relationships that leaves you still friends and invariably knowing more than ever. Here are two excerpts from something we wrote to one another.

Him : I asked you if it was possible to love someone if you had not truly physically met and yes, I've fallen. I have fallen for your voice. I have fallen for your still smile. I have fallen for your laugh. I have fallen for your motionless eyes and your beautiful face. From your toes to your fingers, I have only begun to be introduced to a whole new side of love that is foreign to me. A love that comes not with jealousy or control, but with purity and truth. I hear beautiful songs full of wondrous melodies and think of you. I think of what your voice sounds like and feels like. Honestly, I know you, I know you more than anyone because, ironically, I have never met you.
I want to know you. I want to feel what you feel, and see as you see. You are such a wonderful person, who has helped me and given me hope, that yes, there is a person out there; someone intellectual, who breathes feels, knows and believes in the truth behind life.

Me : I like re-reading this. It reminds me that the world has not given itself over to physicality or become far too jaded. You help me remember what it is like to go headfirst into anything and everything and so I want to thank you for that because I feel that I had retreated into shell that was more protective of my heart and of my feelings. Your honesty intrigues me, there is nothing hidden and I secretly rejoice each time you entice or force me to admit something I'd rather not. One day luck will allow our meeting and until then, we will always have late nights and the phone lines.The one thing that I fear is that once I say hello, I will never want to say goodbye. I do promise that one day you will see the real me, and we will be able to connect the faces to the words to the voices and we will still be glad you found me that day.

I'm so glad I got tangled up in you, if only for a little while because I needed that fresh breath of air in my life.

Creating or Finding?

When we're all out in the world, doing what we do, are we creating or finding ourselves? Does it have to be one way or the other. I believe that some people were born a certain way, and life is merely an excavation into the soul, discovering the things that make you happiest. For others, however, life is a creation and a work of art by that person who wishes to be a certain way or follow a certain path. Neither should be preferred to the other, its like left or right, you have to pick one. How does anyone know what they are though? I have no idea what I'm doing, sometimes I feel like I'm doing what I want to do and other times I feel like I am trying to be what other people assume or want me to be. I am ok with that, mostly people want the best or assume good things. I ignore the rest.