Before you can grow up, you must fall in love 3 times.

Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

At the end of the day, I am ok with the person I have become. I may not always like myself but there isn't much I'd go back and change. Being perfect was never a goal.

[insert big sigh here]

So recently I was accused of ‘giving myself far too much self worth’ by someone who is going to gain far too much pleasure in realizing this bothered me enough to write about. I’d like to know what people prefer, someone who at least puts on a good front of being self assured and confident or someone that lets their severe doubts and insecurities about themselves be known to everyone? Some days I have the self esteem to realize that I’m actually quite an amazing person who has a lot to contribute wherever I go. Other days I am crippled by doubt in myself and what I am doing with my life because I don’t have grand ideas or a master plan for it all.

I’ve gotten good at acting, pretending that I don’t care what people think. For the most part I actually don’t, I may be curious if I think you have an opinion that differs from how I see myself but I don’t actually give a damn and sometimes even find your interest or judgment of me to be amusing. But I do care immensely about the people that actually matter to me, perhaps not all friends per say, but people whose opinions I take seriously. Seeking approval is what I have done all my life, whether it was being the smartest student to impress teachers or being the best girlfriend. I don’t feel that seeking the approval of others is a bad thing; I’m not looking for a pat on the head but rather a smile or the knowledge of appreciation.

There is a difference between constructive criticism and your constant disparagement of seemingly everything that I happen to talk about. After realizing I was ‘exceedingly headstrong’ apparently you decided to break me of it at all costs. The fundamental difference between us is that you care too much about yourself and I care too much about other people.